‘Do you want to meet the love of your life ? Look in the mirror’ -Byron Katie
And I certainly couldn’t agree more with Byron Katie.
We all have gone through that phase of loved and lost, but what happens when you lose yourself in the process ? What happens when you thought he/she was everything, your life ? And when they walk out there is a gaping hole staring back at you ? What do you do then ? Do you curse yourself or protest or neither ?
To begin with, life is a complex process and emotions even more difficult because there is no logic or reasoning to them. Going through heartbreak and getting over and moving on is a part of life (Yes, it’s easier to look back and accept though at that time no remedy will work). We all are ignorant beings and happiness, pain, joy, anger, hurt etc, they build us up as individuals. We make certain choices in life and live them to become who we are.
But the most important choice we need to make is to love yourself first and place ourselves before anyone. And if this makes one selfish, so be it. (I’m still struggling to reach that epitome of selfishness, wish me luck! )
Which brings me to the point this post is about as I don’t agree with the thought of making someone your life, they should always be a part of your life. And by this I don’t implicate I disapprove of love and letting someone take the center stage.
Your life is primarily your own, because if something doesn’t belong wholly to you, how can you share it with anyone else ?
Of course it’s difficult to be with someone who doesn’t require you to be able to breathe but he/she had a life before you walked in, and they were breathing then and they breathe now. (I might sound harsh here)
Isn’t it a more beautiful relationship when he/she doesn’t need you but rather want you in their lives ?
What can be more selfless and free in nature than wanting someone purely on the basis of emotional attachment ?
Because you’re a part of their life they will give you space more freely because that is what they expect in return. In the beginning of any relationship time is all what people want but for a healthy relationship space and freedom is of utmost importance.
It’s a very fickle thought to base your existence on someone else. Often the most successful of relationships involve people complementing each other yet maintaining their individuality outside the relationship at the same time.
Because let’s accept it, your life has aspects, your loved one, friends, career, family, so many other relationships, hobbies, interests, the ‘me’ time etc etc, so how can someone possibly be your life ?
Always remember that just because the world does not revolve around you, does not mean he/she doesn’t want the world for you 🙂